by Dr. Alan Goldberg ~ Sports Psychologist

Avoiding the Biggest Mental Trap in Sports

     There's no question that your mental toughness depends primarily on your ability to concentrate correctly. Faulty concentration will sabotage both your hitting and fielding. Any slumping ballplayer knows this all too painfully because the major reason slumps happen is because the athlete concentrates on the wrong things at the wrong time.

     If you want to dramatically improve your ability to handle pressure, come through in the clutch and avoid performance slumps, you must learn to recognize the biggest mental trap out there. This trap is at the very heart of choking and hitting slumps. This trap has driven more players out of the game and undercut their dreams of playing in college or the big leagues. This trap is a nasty performance killer. What am I referring to? The dreaded UC's. The Uncontrollables!

     What are the uncontrollables? Nothing more than all the things in softball that are directly out of your control. What's directly out of your control as a ballplayer? The playing conditions, the umpires, weather, temperature, field conditions, play of your opponents, a bad bounce, your coach and how much playing time you get. Also, anything in the past such as an error or the last time you faced this pitcher, winning the game or getting a hit, etc.

     You might look at this list and say, "Wait just one minute! I can control getting a hit!" Actually you can't. You may hither ball with power and get robbed by a great defensive play. What you can control when you step into the batter's box is staying calm, keeping your hands loose, seeing the ball clearly and taking a good, powerful cut. Whether you actually come up with a hit or not is in the future and therefore out of your control. Why does focusing on the UC's send a ballplayer down the road to destruction?

     When you focus on an uncontrollable before or during performance, three things will most likely happen. First, you'll start getting nervous, which will leave your muscles too tight to play well. Second, your confidence will begin to spiral downward. Third, how well do you think you'll play if you're uptight and have no confidence? You guessed it! Not very!

     Last year I worked with a talented pitcher who could throw with speed and accuracy in the bullpen but would consistently fall apart on the mound. Why? In the bullpen he kept his concentration on things that he could control, such as the target, keeping his arm loose and throwing one pitch at a time. As he headed out to the mound in a game his mind would start entertaining the UC's. What if I let in a run (a future focus)? What if I lose control again (a past and future focus)? What's the coach going to think (the coach)? There are more pro scouts in the stands today. If I screw up I'll never get signed (scouts and the future). His focus on all these uncontrollable tightened him up so much that he rarely lasted more than an inning.

      How should you deal with these uncontrollable? First you have to know which UC's get to you. Make a list of all the uncontrollables you tend to dwell on when you get in trouble. Becoming aware of your own personal traps is the first step in avoiding them. Remember, you cannot avoid a trap unless you can see it clearly. Second, practice the concentration rule if you find yourself giving too much air time to the UC's, That is, recognize that you're focusing on an uncontrollable and quickly and gently bring yourself back to something that you can control.

     What does this actually mean? If you're up at the plate and worrying, "I've gotta get a hit!" (an uncontrollable because it's in the future), shift your focus to your breathing, feeling your hands loosen or making sure you pick the ball up quickly from the pitcher's release point. If you find yourself really getting uptight because of that focus, briefly concentrating on your breathing will help you move away from the future into the "now" of the game. If you're in the field and thinking about the ball you just booted which caused a run to score (the past), bring yourself back to your ready position and making sure you get set as the pitcher goes into his motion.

     Uncontrollables seem to have more power over you when you're under more pressure. Therefore, it is important to learn to recognize what these performance traps are so you can avoid them. In fact, you might even want to take this a step further and use the uncontrollable for your competitive advantage. How do you do this? Let's say the playing conditions are nasty, i.e. the weather is cold and windy. Most players will get distracted by this. Use the knowledge that these are uncontrollable to build your confidence by explaining to yourself that most people will be distracted, but you won't since you know how to handle the UC's.

     Remember, if you want to bust out of that slump, avoid choking and play mentally tough, then you have to know what your UC's are and train yourself to give them almost no air time in your mind. You can't get uptight and lose your confidence in crunch time if you don't focus on the UC's. Keep your concentration nothings that you can control. The one most important thing you can learn to control? Your reaction to all the uncontrollables.

     I learned the awful truth at the very start. My parents' voices, coming from the stands, had a major impact on my concentration on the game.

     I had been raised, as I hope all kids are, to listen to everything my parents said. The same went for my coach. Anything that one of those three distinct voices of authority said, I listened. Even when their words were not directed at me, I listened. Even when I did not want to hear them, I heard them loud and clear. When a kid hears one of those three voices, he CANNOT ignore it.

     When I was 9 years old and there were 10 people in the stands, I heard them. It broke my concentration. It took some of the fun out of the game for me. It would sometimes distract me so much that it ruined the whole game for me.

     When I was 24 with 1,000 people lining each side of the field yelling, I still picked those 3 voices out from all of the other voices. It is impossible to tune those voices out.

     Every parent wants their kid to be the best at everything they attempt. Parents want to be there to show their love and support for their kid, mine were no exception. Every kid wants to make his or her parents proud; I was no exception to that. That's the natural way of things and especially true when it comes to parents of kids on a sports team.

     At 9 years old I found out that I was going to have a major problem with my parents. We had to sit down and have a serious talk about how much their voices were affecting my performance.

     After we talked it out, we came to these conclusions;

     There are 2 kinds of people at any sporting event, (1)PLAYERS and (2)FANS. Coaches, referees and/or umpires fall into the players' category.

• A PLAYER is an active participant in the game. They either play a position in, coach or call the game.
• A FAN is a non-participating observer. They neither play, coach nor call the game. Their only purpose is to cheer on their favorite team and players.
• A PARENT is a FAN, unless they happen to be one of the coaches on the field.
• Any attempt by a FAN to become a PLAYER is not acceptable.

     I would step into the batter's box and my loving and supportive father would yell out something like, "Follow the ball all the way to the bat". I was all psyched up to bat. Now I'm looking at my dad wondering if he thinks I'm stupid because he has only yelled that to me fifty times before. It broke my concentration.

     If the embarrassment had only stopped there, I struck out. On the way back to the dugout, of course, my dad had to try to console me. "You'll get 'em next time slugger". I wouldn't have been any more embarrassed if he would have stood up and shouted, "Oh my sweet baby. How terrible you must feel. Come on up here and let daddy give you a big hug and make it all better". If we were real lucky we would all strike out so only three of us would have to go through that public humiliation an inning.

     What just happened? My dad, one of those three voices I could not ignore, just gave me coaching instructions. He changed from a fan to a player. He broke my concentration and just had an affect on my performance and possibly the outcome of the entire game. If this happens to your kid and their team loses, that is exactly what your kid will think too. It can take all of the fun out of the game for your kid.

     Instead of being able to focus on being the best player and team member they can be, they have to stop and try to regain their composure and concentration. That is not what they signed up to do. They are there to play the game and have fun doing it. If they constantly have to worry about impressing their parents, it may be just enough pressure to suck every drop of fun out of the game.

     All parents want to coach and advise their kids at their games; it should never happen while the kid is on the field. It will not be taken well at all. If it is something that absolutely must be said, say it when your kid is on the bench or in the dugout. It will be received a lot better there. Do it quietly and in a supportive tone of voice. Never yell it from the stands in a stern or angry voice.

     When a kid reaches the point that their parents take the training wheels off their bike, one of the parents will still run along side with their arms out to catch them if they fall. Most parents try and do the same thing from the stands too. You must come to the realization that your kid is fielding a position on a competitive organized sports team, just like the adults and the professionals. That is a very adult kind of thing for a kid.

     A parent must give their kid the chance to prove they can do it by themselves. It may never happen if they constantly have the feeling that their parents are right there ready to catch them if they fall.

     It is almost impossible for a parent to not yell out these kinds of things during their kid's game. If the coach has done his job well, the kids know what they are supposed to do. They also know when they don't do it quite right. During the game, the last thing a kid wants to hear is one of their parents publicly pointing out what they did not do quite right. It just pours salt in their wound.

     A good coach will go over the errors with them in the dugout or after the game. Every adult must choose their words and tone of voice very carefully during the game. During the game it is very easy for a kid to perceive an adult yelling something to them, as the adult yelling AT them. No adult should ever yell anything to a kid on the field that could humiliate a kid in front of their parents. That can be devastating to a kid.

     Some parents still haven't figured this out; if you ever make the mistake of yelling out constructive criticism to another parents kid, don't be surprised if that other kid's parent starts yelling some constructive criticism right back at you, or worse.

     Remember, your voice is not one of the three voices that other kid is tuned into anyway. Let that other kid's parent make his own mistakes. Rest assured that whatever you yelled at that other kid WAS heard by YOUR kid. If a mature adult can take those words strongly, how do you think an impressionable young kid is going to think and feel about them?

     Supportive cheers in general, directed to the entire team, are always welcomed by players and fans alike. A comment to a player that has just done something good is also welcomed by all. While the kids are on the field, LEAVE THE COACHING TO THE COACH. It is the only coaching the kids want to hear while they are on the field.

     Be the supportive FAN your kid needs and wants you to be. As long as they know you are there, they will play their hearts out to try and make you proud. However, if you remind them you are there too much, they wont be able to do that.

     Always remember, your kid will tune into your voice because you have done your job as a parent very well. Now, do your job as your kids' biggest fan just as well. Do whatever it takes to keep their game just as fun for them as you can possibly make it.

     At their next game, think about what you are about to yell from the stands. If it sounds like something your kid needs to hear, you probably shouldn't yell it. If it sounds like something your kid would want to hear, yell it so the whole world hears it.

     If you, as a parent, do not make the game as fun as it can be, your kid WILL give up. Your kid WILL quit. Your kid WILL feel like a loser. If they don't have a lot of fun they will never reach the point where they love the game. If you don't allow your kid to reach the point that he loves the game, he will NEVER reach the point of being the best at the sport he can possibly be. Find every way to make the game as fun as it can be for your kid.

     I have been playing for well over 30 years because, when I was a kid, my parents made and kept the game as fun for me as they could possibly make it. I came to love the game and then I became passionate about it.

     My parents did that for me, so here is what I did for them. I kept playing, and now; I am an ASA men's 'A' division fast pitch softball, 1st place, National Tournament trophy winner. I was also voted the ASA Men's 'A' division fast pitch softball Most Valuable Pitcher of the national tournament. I am very proud of that. I am even more proud to say that, before all of that, I was and I will always be, MY PARENT'S KID.

This story was first published in the November 1999 issue of Softball Magazine. It was reprinted on this site, with permission from noted softball Coach/Author Hal Skinner.

Interference:

• Don't go into the dugout to give instructions. The girls have coaches, and they have worked hard on developing cohesion and a mental attitude toward the game. Yelling out tips, advice, correction, or criticism will in no way improve your daughter's performance. The same principle holds true in yelling out advice from the sidelines. Keep in mind, the content and accuracy of the information is not the issue. Help not asked for is criticism. If your daughter has not asked for your advice, then don't give it. Don't question the coach's decisions during or between games.
• As a parent, you have a right to your opinion regarding playing time, attitude, criticism, etc. However, I recommend the 24 hour rule - speak to the coach 24 hours after the game. By then, the dust has settled, tempers have cooled, and saner heads prevail. At that time, be specific as to your concerns. Beginning at approximately 14 years old, I believe it is important for you to empower your daughters, and teach them to take care of their own needs. Rather than speak for them, encourage them to speak up for themselves.
• Don't make a spectacle of yourself during the game. Loud and rude comments to umpires, opposing coaches, or even opponents may seem humorous to you, but your daughter is cringing in the dugout with embarrassment. Always keep in mind that you are a role model, and act on the field the way you would want your child to behave.
• Don't tell your daughter everything she has done wrong on the ride home from the game. Trust me, this is not what is considered quality time and sharing. You may think it is helpful, but she feels criticized. In addition, she already knows that the error she made in the seventh inning that allowed the winning run to score was not good, and does not need to be reminded of it by you.

Involvement:

• Always be positive. Learn to encourage, not criticize. If you don't have something good to say, don't say it.
• Be a parent, not an agent. Talk to your daughter regarding her concerns, and help her to learn to take care of most issues herself. Rather that criticize coaches and players, and make excuses for herself, take the excellent opportunity to teach her how to cope with adversity. Don't make lists of demands for the coaches to follow.
• Spend time practicing at home. In the years to come, you will both treasure the memories of tossing the ball around, much more so than of victories and losses.
• Volunteer your time. Ask the coach how you can help, and follow his/her direction. Your daughter will appreciate your positive involvement, and be proud to have you as part of her team.  ATTEND GAMES AND CHEER!

reprinted on this site with permission from Jim Greiner of Greiner Fastpitch Inc.